My Version of New Moon or “When to Replace Your Swimsuit”

Since August I’ve been swimming in a pair of Zoot jammers. Who started calling these things “jammers”? Didn’t they used to be called swim trunks? And when I was a kid, I just called it my “swimsuit”. Actually I called it a bathing suit, but that doesn’t make much sense either since I don’t bathe in them. Anyhoo…a month or so ago I noticed two spots wearing through in the front. And when I would take the jammers off I could see there was a line wearing through right down the middle of the back of them. Over the past few weeks, I figured out that the two spots in the front were being cause by me grabbing my swimsuit by pinching the material and pulling it away from my skin when I would get out of the pool. I guess I was trying to make them a little less form fitting. It just became a habit I had never thought about until those spots appeared.

But I certainly wasn’t grabbing the back of my trunks, so I figured it must just be my cheeks or something rubbing together (sorry for the imagery) and rubbing part of the material off. The problem was, I couldn’t figure out whether it was see through or not while wearing them. I would look at the two spots and I could sort of see my legs through them, but I wasn’t sure anyone else could. And I would stand in front of a mirror and look at my behind with the trunks on, but I still couldn’t tell what other people could see. So I went on wearing them.

I kept forgetting to try the jammers on at home so my wife could tell me if they were see-through in the back, and whenever I thought about it I was at the gym, and I couldn’t exactly ask a stranger for help. “Hey, would you check out my behind and tell me if my swimsuit is see-through in the back?” would probably result in me getting my membership revoked, and maybe a new membership on a public database somewhere.

So finally last night I remember and had my wife take a look. “Yep, totally see-through” was the diagnosis. Now the only question is how many people have seen me getting in and out of the pool at the gym and have said “Oh my goodness…does that guy really have a 4-inch wide clear stripe going down the back of his swimsuit?” I guess it’s a good thing I’ve got those waterproof headphones so I wasn’t able to hear anything.

  • Dallin

    lol – love it. I just wear a speedo for swimming laps, which I’m sure challenges most people’s sense of decency. (Score!) 😉

    And I’ve always hated that people call swimsuits “bathing suits.” You don’t wear anything to take a bath, so if anything, “bathing suit” should be a synonym for “birthday suit.”

  • tekoi

    i bought a pair of aquasphere. amazing. 50 bucks, yet a heavy duty material. it seems to me that bichas are more comfortable in their birthday suits than most. 😉

  • Dallin

    yay bichas!