The other day when I woke up sick I weighed in at 203 lbs. Today, after eating, I was around 205. It appears I may have moved from hovering in the 205-207 range to the 203-205 range. But that’s not what’s strange, what’s strange is the tale I will now tell you.
You see, my mom is a bit of a health nut. Growing up she was always making dishes like cabbage casserole, carrot casserole, etc. And when I stopped eating her cooking and started making my own meals, which generally involved lots of cheese, or when my dad and I would be eating ice cream, she would be eating something healthful and would say things like “I really like what I’m eating better than what you’re eating!” Naturally, I assumed she was lying, and was just trying to trick me into eating some cabbage casserole, but I wasn’t about to fall for it.
Then, after I got married, my wife would say similar things. I assumed she was also lying, and that perhaps it was some sort of conspiracy. I mean, what type of deranged person would prefer to eat an apple instead of a half gallon of ice cream? Crazy.
But out of respect for others who don’t like to see a grown man throwing caution to the wind, or perhaps out of a heavily muffled sense of shame, I have tried in the past to not binge on ice cream in front of others. So when my wife would go out of town, then things could get a little bit out of hand. Late nights, movies, ice cream, candy, you name it. Yeah, some guys would have all their friends over, get drunk, and trash the place, but my way of partying is alone with movies and food.
Well, my wife went out of town this weekend. Yesterday, actually. So I made a batch of cupcakes and some pudding to go on top. But that’s when the strangeness occurred. After I made them, I didn’t feel like eating any. I forced myself to eat a few mini-cupcakes I had made, but it was hard going. I went the rest of the day without touching the other ones, because every time I went towards them I felt a little sick to my stomach and they just weren’t appetizing. Finally, right before bed, I forced myself to eat one, but I didn’t enjoy it.
Today, I woke up and had a green smoothie for breakfast. I went to open the bag of cupcakes to have one, but again, it just didn’t seem appetizing, so I didn’t. This afternoon I forced myself to eat two, but again, it was hard work and almost thoroughly without satisfaction. I’d much rather have a Jamba juice.
Am I forsaking all sweets forever? No, I haven’t said any such thing. I’m just saying that something strange is occurring, and that maybe my mom and wife weren’t lying after all. Maybe they really are crazy, and maybe I’m starting to get a little crazy myself.